“How much for Sex” – Tales of illegal black market T-Shirt selling on the high seas with Hamish & Andy.


Never have I ever chanted the words ‘Fast and Loose, Fast and Loose’ so often in my life as this week on the Hamish & Andy’s People’s Cruise.

For those who aren’t familiar with the chant, ‘Fast and Loose’ is Hamish Blakes life motto. Structured and organised is not his forte, and he embraces ‘Fast and Loose’ as he arrives at Port of Sydney for a 10 day cruise with just a couple of underpants stuffed in his jacket, a tooth brush strung around his neck and a positive attitude.

Living ‘Fast and Loose’ had me running from dinner to an illegal black market T-Shirt sale. T-shirts featuring Hamish riding Andy as a human surfboard, with the tag line: Andy says ‘Surfs Up’.

Hamish & Andy Tee

Not only was the sales of the shirts illegal on a cashless cruise line, they were only on sale for 10 minutes at a specific deck safety muster point location – which made them a hot commodity.

Standing on a dark cold deck with the wind whipping at my face, I stood with $250 cash… Ready to negotiate.

Andy was sorting through shirts, Hamish was managing the small crowd…. I, ready to negotiate a bulk purchase and with slight kiwi accent, leaned into Hamish ready to enter the shady world of black markets.

STACEY: “How much for SEX” ………….. (Six)

HAMISH: WHAT?! …….. “SEX!? I think you’re at the wrong muster point?


STACEY: “SIX, SIX, SIX …. How much for SIX SIX!

*holding my hands in the air with 6 fingers extended.*

STACEY: ”It’s my kiwi accent”

It was cloak and dagger, the occasional ship employee would walk past oblivious as to what was taking place in a dark Muster Point deck.

Hamish was quick to deflect by telling us made up history of the ship or by loudly welcoming the first meeting of the ‘Carnival Cruise Line Accapella group’.

The sales are done and dusted, post my awkward proposition, the boys weren’t busted by Cruise Line security – and we all part ways.

I returned to dinner before we were rapping up the evening with live magic show and stand up comedy.

Watch this space, more to come – including Stace attended the Cruise singles mixer and a snorkelling excursion and wedding proposal from my Vanuatu dive master


Author: Stacey

Stylist | Plus Model | Humourist | Ambassador of the Belly Laughs | Defender of the funnies | Saviour of the Smiles | Est. 1985

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